Thoughts on life post-divorce…
July 2025
My kids and I spent hours together looking through old photos and videos of themselves, laughing and remembering wonderful times. Like when they started crawling, walking, screaming gibberish, dancing…
Then we stumbled across one of my absolute favorite photos… Me and their dad sitting under a red and white umbrella during our engagement photo shoot in May 2009. Before that, we’d been together since 2006.
17 years.
The kids were utterly fascinated by those chic photos, how we both looked, the height difference when we embraced, the laughter and joy emanating from them.
Then my son (the younger sibling) asked me why I chose to leave. He still sees me as the one who chose to make us all sad by breaking us apart.
Two years post divorce, my daughter fully understands why we eroded, but my son is still processing in his own way. Trying to reconcile all that past joy together with our current reality.
Divorce is often a messy process of grieving what could have been, especially when kids are involved. Oftentimes we lose, shrink and erode ourselves because societal pressure or culture wants us to stay for the sake of the kids… the most dangerous thing parents can model in terms of skewing what a safe and loving relationship looks like.
Generation X knows this as many grew up with parents who stayed for their sakes.
Divorce also means showing them that they are our utmost priority, they were born from love, and that we would continue to make them feel fully loved and safe.
Even if the very best yet heartbreaking way to do that is apart.
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